A few days ago my son had his fifth birth, but it doesn’t feel that long since I birthed my first baby. That birth was momentous and it changed so much in regard to what I thought about myself and feminine power. But there is so much more that I wished I knew for the time period after.

For pregnancy we all know about birth plans, and generally have a sense of some choices or preferences that we would like during our labour and birth. We can spend a lot of time researching and preparing for the ‘big event’. The way we are supported and the way we feel during our birth experience has an enormous impact on our pelvic and emotional wellbeing throughout our mothering journey. Birth plan homework is due diligence.

Equally our post birth experience can set the tone for our pelvic and emotional wellbeing, but we rarely spend as much time thinking about or planning our fourth trimester – the name given to the three months or more after giving birth. Traditionally we would have had mothers, sisters, aunts, friends and other wise women around us to nurture and support our adjustment to mothering – whether for the first time or subsequent times. However we live in a culture of isolation where women are meant to do it all and get back to our independent selves as soon as possible. Unfortunately, biology hasn’t caught up with this social change.

When people have researched this post birth period, there are key universal things that all women need during this time period. Some seem logical; some are a little surprising. But here are my thoughts on why they matter.

1) Connect with Mother Nature

At first it might seem strange to include nature in a post birth plan but nature operates on rhythms and cycles. Whether it is night and day or the seasons, things are always changing. Similarly, feminine energy is also about rhythms and cycles. Our monthly cycles are meant to be practice runs for the enormous cycle of pregnancy, birth and post birth. Within our modern society we can remain disconnected from these internal biological rhythms, and hence the reckoning that often comes in the post birth period can be quite a shock and challenge. Connecting to nature reminds us of these rhythms and how they work together to form a greater whole. It reminds us that only after this winter, the spring and summer will come.

Being in nature also slows us down to appreciate the things around us. It removes any rush to return to what was. All the universal things required by newborn mothers have to sit within this context of slowing down and experiencing our natural rhythms. Maybe connecting to Mother Nature isn’t so crazy after all.

2) Experience Deep Rest

After I birthed my second baby I basically spent two whole weeks in bed. Baby and I finally got dressed when family came around at the end of the first week to share a belated birthing day cake. During the second week I only left the bedroom a few times to lie on the floor with my son, grab a snack or read on the couch. I wish I had stayed in bed even longer.

Birth symbolises the end of a massive creative effort to grow a human being, and labour isn’t called labour for no reason! Energetically the birth experience leaves our body feeling open and we need time to come back to ourselves. Physical rest is important as our uterus and its ligaments shrink back down, and there is a placenta sized area on the inside of our womb that needs to heal. That post birth bleeding is coming from somewhere! Healing from tearing, episiotomy or c-section may also be needed. Increased bleeding or mastitis are examples of signs from our body that we are overdoing it in this post birth period.

Some suggest that it is wise to spend a week in the bed, a week on the bed, and then another week around the bed. This might seem extreme but I can’t think of any other significant event that is so physically and emotionally taxing for which rest and rehab aren’t recommended in some form. At other times I am all about finding mindfulness, relaxation and rest amidst the chaos of mothering but I think this is one time in a woman’s life where she shouldn’t need to compromise. However culturally and socially it can be really challenging to achieve this and a lot of conscious planning needs to go into setting up this kind of rest period. I am grateful to my village who really stepped up to the plate, but sometimes we need to be creative by requesting help rather than onesies at the baby shower or even paying for jobs to be done.

3) Connect With Your Pelvic Floor

In regard to pelvic health, we also need to spend time reconnecting to our deep core muscles. Regardless of the type of birth we had, these muscles can lose their connection to each other and their natural coordination to our breath. A lot of women are told to start squeezing their pelvic floor as much as possible after birth as though there is a race to build strength and endurance. I believe the focus at this stage should be on consciously feeling these muscles, encouraging them to tighten with the out breath, but then ensure we release and relax them fully on the in breath. The breath can also change during pregnancy due to the baby pushing up into our abdomen, and there can be work to do to ensure the ribs are coming down and the breath is filling up the whole chest. All things that can be done while we are resting.

Watch out for my next blog post where Part 2 will have two more important things that all women need as newborn mothers.